I don't even know where to begin. I guess the best place would be to start 7 years ago on the day that my mother passed away on 21st January 2011:
It was a normal morning and my mum normally wakes me up but my dad woke me up with tears in his eyes. He stood over me and put a light hearted smile with tears streaming down his cheeks and holding my hand to get me out of bed. He looks at me and starts crying even more, I was 9 at the time and I didn't know what to do but just hug my dad. I haven't seen my dad like this, he is a strong tough courageous person who I look up to, even to this day. I remember him holding me tight and just whispering "Everything is going to be okay, your mum is in a better place" which i just didn't understand. I wen't downstairs just to see if my mum was making me some breakfast like she always does after waking me up to find nothing but my favourite cereal on the table that my mum bought a couple of days back.
I sit on the table and wait for my dad who walks with tissues in his hand and tells me to eat quick we need to go to hospital. We get in the car and all i remember is how quiet my dad is. I remember exactly how weak my dad looked. I haven't ever seen my dad to this day that weak, it was as if he has been striped of everything that defined him. We get to the hospital and i sit in the kids play area while my dad goes of to see my mum's room.
(Flash Forward, the next couple of days were just people visiting and coming to see if we are alright)
The funeral day was painful. I remember how i went up to see my mum lying in her coffin and just to realise how beautiful she was and how her hair was braided neatly along her shoulders. How her lips were soft and thin. I just stood there for 10 minutes and kept saying "mummy". No response and i just kept trying and trying when it hit me. She died. I know how ridiculous that sounds but I was only 9 at the time. I started to ache and start crying for an hour and holding my teddy named "Rodlo".
(Flash Forward today)
My mum's birthday was yesterday and I always buy a gift on her birthday and keep it just as if I had my mum around. Yesterday i bought her a candle which had the meaning of "Mum" on it:
A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. She is the backbone to everything about the child by providing everything she is able to help her children.
I have been crying for the past 2 days of how painful that meant. I haven't been mentally stable for anything, i even couldn't handle college. One guy thought it would be funny to start laughing at me today at college by saying "aww get a life kid". I punched him right in the neck and I was kicked out of the class for sometime and had to talk to my tutor which was a massive piss take.
I might be on ENW for sometime and i will have my times were i am really angry for no reason and just have a go at everyone for no reason. i apologies in advance to anyone if i offend you. I might stop using my mic for some time as i could be crying.